Why does Southend turn into an anti-social fireworks contest every November?

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It’s that time of year when adults (and unfortunately many children) across South Essex develop a sudden fascination not only with novelty explosives, but also letting them off in the most anti-social and inconsiderate manner possible.

Fair enough – it’s probably a national problem. However, people all over Southend and the surrounding areas will probably experience at least one instance this year of somebody setting off fireworks at 11pm, days or even weeks away from November 5th, close to homes where small children are asleep.

Chuck in a few terrified dogs as well while you’re at it. It’s all OK though as we are commemorating something or other aren’t we?

What’s his name? That fella who wanted to blow up Parliament. Henry the Eighth, yeah him.

We can imagine the conversation in most of these pop-up fireworks shops…

‘Hi there. I’m looking for enough colourful flashy bang bang to make Kim Jong-un’s latest efforts seem like Fisher Price’s My First Nuke set.’

‘Do you have anything that will show up at the US Geological Survey Centre in Alaska?’

‘£250 for three minutes’ entertainment. Bargain mate.’

‘Got any rockets I can aim at the neighbours’ porch? Their kids torched my Volvo on Halloween because I wouldn’t give them a pack of Haribo so it’s all good.’

Why doesn’t everyone do everyone else a favour and just attend an organised display?

Southend Seafront does a free show every Saturday night at this time of year, or better still the Big Beach Bang in Shoeburyness on November 4th makes a good few quid for local charities.

As an added bonus, there is no risk of you getting your thumbs blown off because you are unable to follow an instructions sticker.

Very tricky to Facebook without them!

What’s your view on fireworks? Email info@southendbible.com.